it was so worth it!

Last week, I was hurting so bad. I had already gone to the doctor and received news that my umbilical hernia had to be removed. All I could do was take medicine for the pain and nausea I was experiencing until my surgery. It was a long week, I tell ya. I wanted to hold Grayson so bad but because I was in so much pain, I couldn't. All I could do was watch Ray or Mom hold him and sit or lay beside him. It was so hard. Not being able to hold Grayson was worse than the pain itself. I missed him so much that I cried numerous times.

I kept telling Ray I knew Grayson wondered why I wasn't holding him. I was so afraid he thought I didn't want to. One night, when my mom was standing up holding Grayson, I was laying on the couch nearby. He kept turning around to look at me. My mom kept saying, "There's Mommy". He looked at me with the most serious, worried look until I said, "HI!" to make him smile. That happened many times. Later on, my mom walked Grayson closer to me. Again, he got a very concerned look on his face with serious eyebrows. I said, "What's wrong, baby?" Still, with his face and eyebrows fixed the same way, he started talking to me. It wasn't sounds, talking with lots of energy, or squeals of delight. I hadn't ever heard him talk that way before. It was kinda low and not a bit light-hearted. And it lasted a long while. I so wish I knew exactly what he was trying to tell me. But I got what he was trying to tell me. He was telling me he missed me. I got confirmation of that when he finished talking...he reached for me. Again, I cried. The pain I was dealing with was unbearable, but not being able to hold Grayson made me feel so much worse.

Even though Ray knew how bad I wanted to hold Grayson, he wouldn't let me for days. Finally, the day before my surgery, I begged Ray to let me hold him. He hesitated and then handed him over to me. I was SO excited! I had missed my baby so much!!!!! Before Ray knew what was going on, I clicked the iTunes icon on our desktop. I told Ray and I that Grayson and I were gonna dance, to get the camera. :) I knew it was gonna hurt - BAD, but I didn't care. Grayson and I love dancing...and by god - we were gonna do it come hell or high water! Our favorite songs to dance to these days are "Gimme More" by Britney Spears and "Beautiful Girls" by Sean Kingston. Here we are dancing to "Gimme More"! Turn up the volume! Besides Ray asking about my belly, you can't even tell I hurt, can you?! :)