moments like these

Today, Grayson took an awesome nap (several hours long). When he woke up, I fed him, burped him, and then put him in his rocker/bouncer to watch one of his Baby Einstein videos. He really enjoyed it, and I got to eat lunch and do a little housework. Afterwards, I put him in his crib so he could get his exercise (rolling over – again and again, lifting his head, and holding it up real high while he looks at his friend, “Lion”…p.s. he’s a lion.) I always kneel down beside his crib and talk to him. He smiles, talks back, and even squeals! He thinks I look funny through the crib slats, and he forgets that it isn’t easy holding up his head so high and for that long. It is fun! We both enjoy it!


Since he was in such a good mood and didn’t seem to be expiring, I gathered a few of his toys. I scooped him up and sat down in the rocker recliner in his room with the toys beside me. It took me about 3 seconds to realize that our playing did indeed wear him out. He was tired. I knew it, and he knew it. What I also knew is that he was going to fight it like the devil.


I stood back up and walked around the house a little with him. That often makes him sleepier. He was “grunty” as we call it. It isn’t pleasant to hear for sure, but it is better than crying. I would definitely say Grayson is more of a “grunter” than a crier. And to go beyond that, I’d say he’s more of a screamer than a crier. When he screams, of course, we don’t like it. We take him seriously and work hard trying to make him happy. But for some strange reason, screaming doesn’t affect my like crying does. When Grayson cries, I feel so sad. If I can’t fix him, I end up just holding him tight, hoping that my love for him radiates and makes things a little better. And there have been a few times that him crying has lead to me crying, which I believe is completely normal.


Anyway, back to my story. Grayson was “grunty”. So, I sat down in the recliner with him again. It is rare I can have him over my shoulder and rock him back to sleep. With me, he prefers to be on his back stretched out diagonally across my lap. Now, with Ray, he does like going to sleep over his shoulder. The other day, Ray and I were talking about how Grayson likes different things with each of us. It is pretty funny! ANYWAY! I tried the over the shoulder position thinking it might work this time because he was so tired. As soon as I put him up there, he was on to me! He began grunting, as if to say, “No, Mom! I won’t let you do it!” :)


I really wanted to try it because it is nice to have several options when it comes to Grayson – well, anything in life really. As he quietly grunted and shifted in my arms, I thought of my grandmother. Believe it or not, I was thinking of my dad’s mom, the one I’m not close to. I remember going to her and my grandfather’s house so many times as a kid. I will never forget how I was forced to nap every day (that I was there). It may have even been at a specific time. I always hated it. With her, there was always so much preparation involved in napping. Since she didn’t believe in laying in bed during the day, we had to set up the couch with the pillows, sheets, etc. It was like getting hooked up to all the probes to my body and getting a wet sponge squeezed over my head before they turned on the electric chair! (I'm dramatic, I know!) :)


Honestly, I think if she would’ve let me sleep in the BED, I might not have fought my naps so much. Because when you’re a tired little kid, comfort will take over pretty quick and pull you into la-la land. I was one of those kids that always asked why I had to take a nap…and I was also one of those kids that had a good explanation as to why I didn’t need a nap! ;) My grandmother explained the benefits of napping – mainly that I’d feel more energetic when I woke up. She wasn’t full of bull-honkie, but as a kid, I didn’t care. I think what always convinced me to nap was her telling me that if I took a nap, when I woke up, it would almost be time for my grandfather to be home from work! :)


What’s funny is that I took naps at home too. I’m almost positive I took one every day. My mom could verify that. But at home, with my mom, napping was never a big production and something I dreaded. I don’t even know if I had a set nap time. Maybe I did. Regardless, I was too young to care much about the time. Rather than telling me it was time to nap, etc, my mom would simply create a comfortable environment that I enjoyed. She knew I would fall asleep when I was ready and get some good rest. And she didn’t care if it was in bed, on the couch, or on a pallet on the living room floor. She created this comfortable environment by pulling out my favorite blankets, turning on my favorite TV show, turning on an oscillating fan, letting me surround myself with all of my stuffed animals, etc. And honestly, I never remember giving her problems re: naptime. That’s because naptime was never painted as this big, horrible, “you must”, “right now” type of thing.


I thought about all that as I rocked Grayson. I knew he needed to sleep (and he did too), but he wasn’t ready. So, I created the most comfortable environment possible, considering that I didn’t want to get up and stir around too much. I turned off the lamp, softly talked to him, and lightly scratched his back. Then I drifted back into thought – about my grandmother. But this time, it was a more positive memory. Well, not necessarily positive…it is kinda funny (to me anyway).


I think every child thinks of a favor to ask their grandparent for. For example, a kid might always ask Grandma to make her chocolate cookies when she visits because they are so yummy and because “Mom doesn’t make them the same”! I had one of those favors that I always asked my grandmother for too. I asked her to scratch my back. She wasn’t ever pleased about my request. I think that’s because she had to do something that didn’t give her any pleasure. It’s called selfish. Anyway! She’d act kinda annoyed and say, “for a minute”. After a few strokes, I’d always say, “HARDER! HARDER!” She’d do it a little harder, but not hard enough! So, I’d pull my shirt up in the back. :) She’d say, “I’m gonna put marks on your back!” I’d say, “I don’t care! Please scratch my back HARD!” I followed that with “Higher! No, a little lower! To the right! Maw-Maw! A little more to the right! AHHHH….” :) That’s usually when she realized she was being a witch and soften a little by saying, “You’re such a little piggy! Little piggies like their backs scratched!”


I closed my eyes, as I held our little piggy tight. In no time, he was asleep. I knew this because when you’re holding Grayson close, it seems like he gets heavier when he falls asleep. That’s because he is completely relaxed. His legs and arms dangle free. His little body fits mine perfectly. I can feel warmth between us.


Of course, I love Grayson when he’s awake. I love watching him and interacting with him. But when he’s sleeping, he’s just as wonderful – in a different way, of course. I already think about how times likes these will one day come to an end. It will miss them I’m sure, but then I picture Grayson as a 30 year old coming to our house with his family. Maybe I’m weird, but I picture a specific situation.


I’m inside baking a pie (don't say "Aw"...I baking pies, OK?!) ;) or preparing the table setting when I hear Grayson come up. First, he greets his dad who is sitting on the front porch. Incase you’re wondering, yes, I do picture Grayson coming to this house we’re living in now when he’s 30! I don’t know why because I will NOT live here until I’m 30…PERIOD! ;) Anyway, I hear Grayson complaining to his dad about something he’s dealing with at his house – an a/c that isn’t cooling properly or a leaky faucet. I find that funny too because he asks his dad for advice! Everyone knows Ray and I both are the “make a phone call” type when something goes wrong with our house! ;) ANYWAY! Sorry! I feel so excited about Grayson and his family coming over! But I don’t want to go out there…#1, I’m busy. And #2, he’s talking to his dad. So, I wait patiently. A few minutes later, Grayson walks in and says, “Hey Mom!” I say, “Hey! Your kitchen faucet is leaking again?” He says, “Yeah…don’t know what’s wrong with the freakin thing”. (Yeah, he talks like that because he’s my son!) ;) He walks over, wraps his arms around me, kisses my cheek, and says, “So, how are you, Mom?” I say, “Oh, I’m fine”…and for just a moment, I feel something like what I felt when Grayson was 4 months old, asleep on my shoulder, as I rocked him and scratched his back. When we let go, I never feel sad or empty – or even have a desire to go back to that point in time. Instead, I feel so happy and fulfilled.


After rocking him for a little while, I got up and carefully lowered him into his crib. Earlier in the day, I had told myself I would rest when Grayson did, but I didn’t feel like sleeping. I was suddenly awake and pretty energetic.


His long nap allowed me to do some things I wanted and needed to do. But I honestly couldn’t wait until he woke up. With every hour that passed, I thought, “He’s STILL sleeping?” Finally, I heard him yelling! As I said, I always translate his yells to “MOMMMMM!!!! COME GET MEEEEE!” :) When I opened the door and walked toward the crib, he was still yelling (with his eyes closed)! He had no idea I was there. I said, “Hey you! I’m here! I heard you and came right away! Don’t cry!” He stopped crying, opened his tear-filled eyes, and smiled. When he did, his eyes began to sparkle. It was so beautiful.


I picked him up and again felt that warmth between us. As I carried him to the bathroom, I got sugar from this especially sweet fold in his neck below his ear. He smiled. I held him out and said, “Do you know why we’re going to the bathroom?” He had a serious look on his face with his eyebrows pushed toward each other, as if to say, “I don’t know, why?” I said, “Because there’s this cute little guy who wants to meet you! You’ll love him!” I turned him around real quick to face the mirror. First, he looked at my reflection and studied it for a few seconds. I’m sure I look a little different than I do face to face. Then, his eyes met with his reflection…he started smiling so big! I said, “That’s the guy I wanted you to meet! Isn’t he cute?!” He smiled again and hid his face in my shoulder. :)


As I carried him back into his room to change his diaper, I thought about how blessed I am that I will always be able to see Grayson’s beautiful smile. I know it will change some over the years, but it will always be so beautiful. And I have no doubt that 50 years from now, it will bring me as much joy that it does today. :)