Today

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Today, Grayson makes 18 months old! Can you believe it?! In one way, it's hard to believe he's been with us for 18 months. It seems like just yesterday that we were in the holding room waiting to be taken back for our c-section! But in another way, it feels like Grayson has been around for a lot longer than 18 months. As weird as it sounds, it almost feels like Gray has ALWAYS been with us.
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Sometimes, especially now that we're expecting Zander, we often think back and reminisce about certain happenings since Grayson was born. Needless to say, we've had so many happy, scary, new, wonderful, amazing, funny experiences in the last 18 months. A few days ago, Ray and I were laughing about the first real bath (not a sponge bath) we ever gave Grayson. Like most new parents, we had no idea what we were doing. But I will say we were doing our best and trying hard to make it a good - or at least halfway pleasant - experience for him. Unfortunately, our efforts did not equal success. He HATED it, to say the least. We felt horrible, like a huge failure. Both Ray and I declared we would never give him another bath - EVER. Of course, Grayson has had many baths since then - almost every one of them given to him by Ray and I together.
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In the past I've waited on G's dr checkup stats to do his milestone blogs, but this time, his appointment is several days after he makes 18 months old. And I wanted to do this blog ON the day. Besides, while finding out how tall G is and how much he weighs is interesting, there are so many things that are more important. Some might see Grayson who "looks so tall" or who is "so heavy". He is heavy, and he is tall. But to us, Grayson is a colorful little boy with so much curiosity, happiness, and personality. He's a little person that teaches us something every day, continues to amaze us, and makes our heart do a dance.
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I thought about trying to make a list of all things Gray likes, says, and does. But I feel that list would never-ending. Besides, Ray and I do a good job of noting those things in our blog - more times than not, the very day they first occur. I can't say enough how proud we are (yes, of ourselves) for doing such a good job keeping up with our blog. We are so excited about Grayson having a "record" of his life from before he was born until now. And if all goes as planned, we will continue blogging about him.
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G is heading closer and closer to the 2 year old mark. We see evidence of that daily. Gray has always been very determined and independent. On days these qualities are real strong, the descriptor words change to "hard-headed" and "stubborn". ;) But as he "officially" enters the toddler phase, these ways that are in his blood are definitely accentuated. When you are observing him or simply thinking of his strong will, Grayson is incredibly cute and funny too! But when you are trying to teach the little stinker or prevent him from doing something he shouldn't, it can be frustrating. Anyone who has children knows exactly what I'm talking about.
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Even on G's worst days, we never feel we are doomed. We never question if how he is acting is normal. We know it is. And with each other's support, we WILL get through it! :)
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Every day with Gray means something new - a new word, a new facial expression, etc. Our house is NEVER boring. We are curious how much Grayson will grow and change over the next 4 months before his little brother arrives....and then over the 2 months after that until he makes 2 years old.
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Ray and I are nutso about our little man. He's the cream of the crop, the apple of our eye, the cherry on top, the whole sha bang, the best thing since sliced bread - I could go on and on! I tell ya - a child is life's best gift a human could ever receive. You can't imagine how great the love of a child is until you experience it. It's indescribable. It's unbelievable. It's intense.
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These days, a story has a good ending of a child grows up with one good, loving, solid, dependable parent. It feels so good to say that Grayson has 2 parents that love him so much, want to teach and guide him, will do anything for him, and will always be there for him no matter what. We know that relationships between parents and their children do experience the winds of change - thanks to things like the teenage years. And when times become real challenging, we will pour on the love.
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Honestly, I don't think much about what Gray will be like at 8 years old, 13 years old, 17 years old, etc. It never goes beyond maybe wondering what he'll look like. As far as what Ray and I might have to deal with when we have a 14 year old son or a son that's a high school senior, I don't do that to myself. Who knows what lies ahead. I spend my time thinking about NOW. I like thinking about the past, but I mostly spend my time enjoying Grayson TODAY. If I spend a lot of time thinking, worrying, and obsessing about the future, I'm confident I will miss something - which would lead to the suckiest feeling in the world: REGRET.
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Today, at 18 months old, we have a son - this amazing little boy who is ours. We didn't rent him or lease him. He's OURS. He has been our son for 18 months and will be FOREVER. How lucky are we?!
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It feels so good to show Grayson how much we love him. We tell him. We hug him. We kiss him. He knows how much he is loved. That is one thing he won't ever question. I see how much his Dad loves him...and I see how much Gray loves his dad. It is very obvious and an awesome thing to observe. I am not really able to see Grayson and I together - unless we are in front of a mirror or someone takes a picture. So, for me, our love is more of a feeling than an observation. Again, I never hold back on showing him how much I love him. Verbally or physically, I communicate that to him every chance I get. Sometimes he is too busy to reciprocate the love (that's how it is with an 18 month old), but so many times, he does. It's how he yells "Mom" from the other room. It's how he hugs me tight. It's how he holds my hand when we're riding in the car. It's how he looks into my eyes and smiles.
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Ray first captured my heart. Grayson now has a hold on it too. And next, Zander will be a part of the operation that in the past I declared would be almost impossible for anyone to be successful in. :)
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Ray and I have been parents for 18 months. We might not deserve the "world's best" honor, but I think we at least deserve a metal! We've worked hard and done a good job. Grayson deserves the "world's best" title without a doubt. He's the happiest, cutest, smartest, amazing, funniest, lovingest little boy.
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Grayson is a magician too ya know? He has the power to transform the way Ray and I love and continually reshapes our heart to allow for maximum capacity of given and received love.
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Today, as our little beautiful little boy makes 18 months old, I feel so good. My mind is free, and my heart is happy. I used to dream of superficial things that I thought translated into a successful life - lots of money, a nice car, a huge house, fancy dinners, and extravagant vacations. Today, those things mean nothing to me. I am living a dream. I have what's real, solid and sure - an awesome husband, an amazing son, and a second little miracle on the way.
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We have our little man to thank for the happiest, most amazing 18 months of our lives. The word of the day should be 'amazing' huh?! I just can't stay away from it. Today marks a milestone - 18 months! But just like every other day, today, we will feel thankful for our little wonder. You know, the little guy that's so amazing, so wonderful, so beautiful, so magical...so ours. :)
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Happy 18 months, Grayson Koa! Mom and BaBa love you soooooo much.
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